It's been longer than I thought since I last wrote! I've been crazy busy and I have a blog post or two in mind, but not enough time right now to write them. So I'll just leave you with my fantabulous news:

  ☻/ღ˚ •。* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 。* °♥ ˚ • ★ *˚ .ღ 。* ♥
/▌*˛˚ღ •˚ I've finally saved enough for my dream trip to Ireland!!! 
/ ˚. ★ *˛ ˚♥* ✰。˚ ˚ღ。* ˛˚ ♥ 。✰˚* ˚ ★*˚ .ღ*˛ ✰。

*happy dance -- snoopy dance -- freaking right out at the awesomeness dance*

SUMR

I'm up at 3am, so I may as well do something, right? Survey thefted from @randaness

1. Who is your most favorite author? ("I don't read" is not an acceptable answer)

I have two favourite authors that tend to stay the same even as other authors become a "flavour of the month" shall we say. I adore Katie MacAlister's paranormal Aisling Grey series--I do like her other books, but don't find them quite as awesome as Aisling. I also adore Jennifer L Armentrout's young adult novels: I have all of her "Covenant" series (well, the ones available at present) and love them, I also recently bought the first three books of the "Lux" series that I can hardly wait to start! 

2. Theist, deist, agnostic, atheist, or apatheist?

Theist; I'm a non-denominational Christian.

3. Android, iOS, Windows Phone, Blackberry, Palm, or dumbphone?

Android... well, providing it survives the slushy bath it unfortunately received recently.

4. What language would you most like to learn?

I would like to relearn French, as I used to be fairly fluent but lost most of it. I have to say learning Gaelic or Latin would be fun as well. 

5. Your favorite song right now?

Well, the song stuck in my head today... er, yesterday... would be Bruno Mars' "The Lazy Song"

6. Your favorite song of all time?

I always love "White Christmas" sung by Bing Crosby.

7. What's the #1 most important quality you look for in the opposite sex (or the same sex, if applicable?)

Being a Christian... followed closely by a sense of humour and a love of books.

8. What otherwise common thing have you never experienced?

I've never fallen in love.

9. Favorite place on the internet besides Xanga?

I usually have Facebook, Xanga, and Twitter open in tabs whenever my computer is on, but I also have a wordpress blog for writing book reviews and other literary-type stuff.

10. What question would you most like to be asked? 

I'd like to eventually hear "Will you marry me?"

SUMR

I kind of wish the result of that promised kiss was already over and done with, because the waiting is killing me. Not because I cannot wait to kiss him, but because I keep rethinking my decision. As I told him, I was feeling daring at the time; I was thinking that I did not want to regret having never kissed him when I have this opportunity to just do it. But when I told a friend of mine that I wasn't sure I should actually kiss him after all, she said I should stop overanalyzing it, to not allow fear and uncertainly keep me from doing something. 

One of the reasons for my previous agreement is because when I was in university there was this one guy I was friends with all four years we were in school and had an on-again-off-again crush on. We'd flirt and hang out, and I always figured that by the time we graduated we would end up dating or at least share a kiss. Turns out he thought the same thing but never said so until after graduation and I'd already moved back home. I regret never having that; I wonder what would have happened had we just kissed. I don't want to allow fear to hold me back and have that exact same regret. The exact same wondering of "what if...?"

But the thing is, I don't just go around kissing people --it means something special to me. I can count the number of guys I have kissed on one hand, because I only ever do so with someone I have a connection with. Were all of them boyfriends? No, but the ones that were not my significant other were friends and still are my friends. It never felt like any of those instances were just taking advantage of an opportunity, but something they wanted because it mattered to them. Because I mattered to them, meant something to them --if only as a dear friend. 

In comparison, he has told me that he'd have no qualms about having sex with people and yet feel nothing for them. I cannot comprehend this as I feel sharing such intimacies should only be done in love. While I don't agree with some of the things he does, I cannot judge him for it. It isn't my right to do so. But where does that leave me? We've known each other for about six years so you would think we'd know each other really well, yet I honestly don't know who or what I am to him. 

I try to show all my friends in word and deed how much they mean to me; I tell them I love them or hug them or even blow them kisses. I try to be there for them when they need a listening ear, a supporting hand, or creative ideas on where to bury a body... Okay, the last was not literal, but you get the idea. The only clue I have from him is the ring he bought me as a graduation present as it meant he was thinking of me, proud of my accomplishments, cared about me. But I have since noticed that the only time he makes an effort to spend time with me is when he claims to be bored, it is always me who suggests various outings or is the first to send a text, etc. 

I guess what I really want to know is why. Why does he want a kiss from me? I should have asked him that before when we were discussing this kiss, but at the time I felt like it was a bit of a game. I'm not even sure he really does want to kiss me so much as wants to see if I would do so, and quite frankly that really isn't enough reason to give him one. Because of this, all this thinking, I'm sitting on the edge of a decision: will I regret it more if I kiss him or don't kiss him? It all hinges on that why. 

I'm going to have to ask him, aren't I? 

SUMR

In my last post I got a couple comments requesting details about a kiss I promised to give a guy, so I decided to write the scenario and a little history of our acquaintance for those who don't know me IRL to help you get a better comprehension of the situation...

As y'all know, it was valentine's day a couple of weeks ago and of course there were pictures, memes, games, et cetera floating around on facebook or any other form of social media. I took part in a couple --like Chapters "Share the Love" Plum Points *yAy*-- as well as another colour game post (as pictured left). I thought it would be good fun to see what people say, but I didn't get one single message to my inbox about it. I was feeling rather UN-loved

A couple days ago I was so incredibly bored at work that I was contemplating death by spoon, which would be slow enough to take up the rest of the afternoon in the throes of agony until I was either shipped to the morgue or finished my shift. While I know I probably shouldn't say I was bored at work, the only projects I had to do required waiting on other staff members who were not being all that prompt in getting back to me the information I needed and only they possessed.

So, with little else to do, I decided to check my personal facebook feed to see if there was anything interesting I could share on the company's social media, which eventually led to just reading through older comments that friends made on things that I had posted to give me something to do. Imagine my surprise to find there had been a comment on the aforementioned post (as opposed to inboxed) that I somehow missed seeing. 

The single comment I found was by a close friend of mine, practically a bestie, and someone whom I had a crush on when we met six years ago. At that time he had a girlfriend so I switched him from the "potential date zone" to the "friend zone" though we didn't become close until a few months after they broke up (she was jealous of any girls he talked to). Both of us are pretty affectionate people and have no qualms about hugging, leaning, or cuddling to the point that more than once we've had to explain to outsiders that no, we're not a couple. We are both rather huggy with other friends too, though possibly not quite to the same extent, and it isn't like we've ever held hands or kissed or anything of that sort.

I still remember a conversation we had years ago with some other friends about relationships and he told me I'd be the perfect girlfriend if it weren't for the fact I'm "saving myself" for marriage. I remembered it because I thought that was both a wonderful compliment and extremely insulting; while being told you're 'practically perfect in every way' is sweet, being told you're not worth dating without sex is kind of hurtful. Last year one of our mutual friends let slip that she knew I used to have a crush on him, something he teased me about for weeks after much to my humiliated dismay. 

The comment I found on the post said this: Green. Now I wouldn't have been surprised at nearly any other colour be it yellow, red, pink, black... But I honestly never expected him to say he wanted a kiss from me  The only thing that would have shocked me more would have been white or brown. This may be my naive girl brain speaking, but how often do guys want to kiss their platonic gal pal? I always thought that once you are best friends with someone of the other gender you tend to just become rather androgynous to each other.

Anyways I decided to text him about it, and this was part of our conversation:
me: I don't suppose you were referring to a Hershey's Kiss?
him: Nope
me: you actually want me to kiss you? are we talking a peck on the cheek or a kiss on the mouth?
him: all of it
me: usually guys ask me on a date before asking for a kiss *L0L* You are lucky I'm feeling daring... so fine, you shall get a kiss. 

[a pause that was longer than normal, so I wrote again and managed to send just before he did] 

me: bet you weren't expecting me to agree *snicker*
him: good
him: i was *L0L*
me: either I make you laugh a lot or you use "lol" as a fall back phrase...
him: yeah, it's my go to word
me: so i shouldn't give up my day job to become a comedienne?
him: no
me: wow burst my bubble why don't ya
him: :-* (kiss face)

[I then start playing with emoticons]

me: what's with the atm face, couldn't they come up with something more interesting? Like you ever use the atm face emoticon!
him: you're my sugar mama... i might use it *L0L*

The only thing I have in common with a sugar mama is that I am a couple years older than he is, so that basically just got an eye roll in response. I'm not rich and I sure as heck don't sleep with the guy; the most expensive thing I have probably ever bought for him is a giant cup of coffee (I tend to make any birthday or christmas gifts for friends) and I got a thank you hug in return for it. Oddly enough I practically did give him a big ol' kiss when he gave me a graduation present of the most gorgeous claddagh ring ever, and I've worn it every day since. We were messaging each other the next day, but we've yet to see each other in person since that conversation so this is where things stand at present.

SUMR

I've had a pretty busy schedule lately, and I've spent a lot of time being social...usually on a whim as trying to schedule in friends just doesn't work too well this month. For some reason I have a lot of editing to do, and managed to get ahead on most of it, yet still had time for rejuvenating my soul with friends, reading, and flirting. 

Wednesday 13 ->  My day started off well, with the knowledge that the new carpet guy would be coming in. The previous one was older but had a yum Irish accent, while this one is closer to my age and the accent thing is TBD. I almost think there's a slight something there, but it could be wishful thinking. We got chatting for a good ten minutes and it made my day   After work I met up with an old cast-mate from "South Pacific" three years ago. We went to Timmies and hung out for about an hour only as we both had plans. I went on to an old coworker's house for a mary-kay party and ended up hanging out for a couple hours after with her family. Her little girls were shocked that I knew their mum since before they were born *L0L* We've only hung out once since I moved back nearly a year ago, so it was nice to just sit down and talk. 

Thursday 14 -> Valentine's day was great I didn't have to work, so I stayed home and curled up on my couch with a book. I had planned to watch a couple movies but got so wrapped up in what I was reading that I lost track of time. My parents invited me out to dinner with them, possibly because dad wasn't feeling well to the point his voice is nearly gone and so a dinner companion who could speak apparently felt needed *snicker* I got a free meal out of the deal and there were actually a few families of all ages out to dinner, too. 

Friday 15 -> I don't recall much about, so I'm going to guess I was editing. No, I am pretty sure I did do some editing in attempt to get ahead on my manuscripts for fear something would be thrown at me --and I was right! (see later day for details). I think it was about 9 or 10pm that Buttercup text me to say he was bored and wanted me to go with him for a walk. Turns out he just wanted company for getting coffee, but I dragged him through the park anyways After doing a loop we just hung out in his car and chatted until an old friend text to say she was in town and he went to have more coffee with her. 

Saturday 16 -> I got a message from my university bestie --the one I was bridesmaid for-- to say she and her hubby were driving down for the afternoon and wanted a quick visit. They were picking up some things for her sister-in-laws baby shower and Laur had asked me to crochet a blanket so they were getting that too. We went to Timmies and hung out for a bit, then I went on some local errands with them before they dropped me off at home. 

Sunday 17 -> I got an email that stated I was was being sent back the evil manuscript to work on. Apparently the line editor thought there were too many speech tags and, rather than dealing with them herself as is her job, she sent a note to the head editor who then dropped it in my lap. I was given less than five days to get it done so I'm not altogether too pleased about having to deal with all 200+ pages of it when I had other things to do... like beta read another author's ms! I was pretty ticked, but the day ended better after I spent a couple hours texting with friends before bed. I think it must have been around 10pm when I got messaging with Buttercup, @Karoline1982, and Dawlz... and stopped texting with Buttercup and @SayntCinn after 2am! 

Monday 18 -> I didn't have to work that day cuz it was Family Day, but did some of my aforementioned editing until I heard from @SayntCinn letting me know  she was finally on her way to town. I got into a really ridiculous argument with my mother, so I was glad to escape Atilla-the-mum's wrath. We went out to dinner with her adorable 7-month old baby who is the cutest little thing  She apparently hardly ever puts up a fuss... with the exception of when we tried to stick her back in the stroller to leave. I ended up dancing her out of the restaurant while checking out a really cute guy who was making use of free wifi. We then stopped at Timmies to pick up some hot beverages to take to Buttercup's work so he too could meet lil LA; he and I still plan to do a road trip out to @SayntCinn's at some point for a longer hangout.

Tuesday 19 -> I cannot say work was all that enthralling. I've been "training" the new co-op high school student in the mornings as she'll be with us until June, and spending the afternoons getting a day's worth of stuff done. I was pretty bored though as I had to constantly wait to hear back from people before I could finish my projects... and I'm still waiting to hear from some.

Wednesday 20 -> I got a letter in the mail from @Karoline1982! I must have spent hours upon hours writing back to her epistolary novella *L0L* I do so love getting letters in the mail... I was pretty psyched to see that she said for the first time in ten years she wanted to pick up her bible and pray. I literally did a happy dance and wanted to tell everyone how awesome that was! I also ended up texting with Buttercup again, and now I owe him a kiss. I will quite likely chicken out completely before it comes to pass and then get teased incessantly about it *shakes head* I was feeling daring at the time and thought, why not? People regret the things they don't do more than the things they have, so take a chance! Yeah, I'm sooo no longer feeling brave... 

Thursday 21 -> I was up late im-ing with @SayntCinn and ended up spending hours searching for a specific verse in the Bible due to our discussion. I don't think I found it, but discovered a lot of others that I liked... and a book in the Bible I had never heard of  I was up until 4am and then woke again by 10:30am, jumping back on my computer again only this time to find pretty pictures with verses on them. I posted them on my facebook so that I can see them whenever I need to, or others can look at them when they want to as well. I recently discovered that my besties who don't profess to be Christian once were, but stopped due to hardships they faced. Isn't that funny how they turned from God only to end up friends with me? I guess it shows even when you ignore Him, He's still in your life.

To come...

Friday 22 -> I've been called into work as the old boss-lady who went on maternity leave did not do something before she left, and I'm the only person with whom she discussed the project with and has some inkling of what is going on in regards to it. I'll have to find my file of notes when I go in tomorrow, as GA wasn't able to find them where I thought they were. I also have my belated birthday luncheon with my Nana. I said I wasn't free until after February due to all the work stress I have happening, but now she's saying it has to be this month. I'll be "sneaking" out of work for a couple hours to do lunch with her. 

Saturday 23 -> My favourite cousin on my dad's side of the family is having her baby shower today! I'll be going with my Nana and possibly my mother if she is feeling up to it. She thinks she is coming down with my dad's cold --which he still has and seems to get worse every day. It is a good thing that he is on holiday so he can rest and recuperate! 

SUMR

1. Get healthier by losing 15lbs via 30 min walk/wk, 30 min rebounder/wk, 15 situps + pushups per day
Pounds: 135 (I do not like the direction this is going!)
Walking: 1 hour
Trampoline: 0 min
Situps: 0
Pushups: 0

I am so frikken lazy, no excuses.  

2. Brush and floss teeth before going to bed every night
Getting a little better. Totally thinking of making a chart to check off as a visual... and it is made.

3. Do something social/go on dates twice a month
I went to bible study, as well as had coffee with JessicA. Went for a walk with Brian, then coffee with Lauren and Brett.  

4. Work on editing assignments or WiPs for a minimum of two hours per week
I finished second edits for one ms, and first edits for another.    

5. Save and plan for UK dream vacation
I finally got last month's pay in the bank, yay! I also discussed my plans with B&L, which totally counts.  

SUMR

I cannot quite recall how it happened, but I think I somehow came across the movie at the library. The title sounded vaguely familiar, so I read the back and discovered that the film was based on a book series I had read when I was younger. One Christmas my grandmother had given me two books from the series, the fifth and the eighth, and though I read them I wasn't too impressed --though this might have something to do with the fact that I hate reading books out of order or that it wasn't the genre I preferred at that age. Even though it was a juvenile movie I got out it out anyways due to sheer curiosity.

While it was definitely "indie" I quite liked the film, for all the odd camera work and obvious lack of funding. I hadn't read the book the movie was based on, so I got the first five books from the online library. Yes, though I own the fifth book it is buried in boxes in the basement and I wasn't up to looking for them when I could just get volume 1 of the collection as an ebook. I don't think this has ever happened, but the movie's changes made for a better plot than the book had *gasp* I was ever so disappointed by the book not living up to the expectation the film created --the plot was far more lackluster and the writing style wasn't at all impressive. 

Nevertheless, I persevered and continued to read the second novel. It wasn't much better but did show improvement, so I read the third and fourth and fifth... by then I was hooked. I reserved all the books I could find at the local library --the ebook library not having any others-- and I just cannot stop reading them. There is one of the series that I really, really want to read but cannot find anywhere, not even the bookstore. I am ever so tempted to ask friends in other towns if their ebook library selection has it and borrow their card number so I can read that novel *L0L*

I now want to buy all the books so that I'll have the series and can pass them on to my (future) daughter. One thing that really stood out to me was something that the main character always said whenever she was afraid --since she constantly got into scrapes involving kidnappers, collapsing mines, being lost in the woods, etc it was often-- which is a verse from the Bible: What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in thee."  It made me think that I don't often enough put my trust in God; I'm always too busy trying to find my own way that I forget to pray. 

At my bible study on monday the leader said that we should all start a journal recording our daily time with God. She wants us to spend five to fifteen minutes a day in prayer and reading our Bible. I am horrible at reading from the word, getting bored quite quickly with it as horrible as that sounds. For some reason I just cannot get into the words written there like I can with novels --perhaps it is the writing style? I find I get more out of inspirational novels, such as this one, that has a moral based on a verse rather than reading straight from the Word. I have prayed about that, but haven't seen any changes in me so perhaps this is just the way I'm meant to learn...

If you are wondering just what books I am talking about, it is the Mandie books by Lois Gladys Leppard. Have you ever read any of those books or know someone who has?

SUMR 

Just a little bit late on these... 

1. Get healthier by losing 15lbs via 30 min walk/wk, 30 min rebounder/wk, 15 situps + pushups per day
Pounds: 133
Walking: 2 hours
Trampoline: 0 min
Situps: 0
Pushups: 0

I am so frikken lazy, no excuses.  

2. Brush and floss teeth before going to bed every night
Getting a little better. Totally thinking of making a chart to check off as a visual...

3. Do something social/go on dates twice a month
I went out to dinner with Ian. 

4. Work on editing assignments or WiPs for a minimum of two hours per week
I have finished the uber ms, and done first edits of another ms.   

5. Save and plan for UK dream vacation
I have looked into getting a passport.  

SUMR

I seem to be one of those girls who always sees romance, even where there isn’t any. Yes, I have been known to think a guy may be interested even when unlikely, but I usually tell myself I’m being stupid rather than try to do anything about it and thus avoid humiliating moments.  Thank goodness.

It isn’t just in my own life where I see these potential budding relationships. I have encouraged friends to ask a guy out due to “signs” indicating he could be interested --such as going out of his way to talk to her, looking at her more frequently than necessary/sneaking looks at her, and so forth. Yet more often than not it is in books that I see things that aren’t there.

Yep, books. Those collections of paper with words scrawled all over them depicting the lives of imaginary people. How cracked up is that? There is a reason why I rarely read novels without some sort of romantic plot to them and this is it. On occasions like these, completely pointless and arbitrary ones, that the rose-coloured glasses I tend to wear are aggravating. 

Case in point, a manuscript I was recently working with has a human asked for help by two otherworldly beings to stop another entity from destroying the world. This trios' continuous hugging, kissing on cheeks, and holding of hands made me think there might be some sort of impossible love triangle happening with one of them winning the love of the human by the end of the story... Instead I found out that the one had a tempestuous relationship with an on-again/off-again lover and another dies leaving the third unloved, so there was no “happily ever after” for any of them!

Well, the world was saved from disappearing into a void filled with zombies and other monsters, so I suppose there was a happy ending.  Nevertheless, I was anticipating hearts and flowers where there wasn’t going to be any. My ridiculousness is sometimes frustrating as I get my hopes up only to have them dashed harshly onto the rocks of despair. Wow, also ridiculous is that overly dramatic turn of phrase *L0L*

Does anyone else do this, see romantic interest where there isn’t any? And how do you tell when someone else is interested in another, is it only when they outright say it? But then that could be confusing as someone might say they are interested when secretly they are not and only pretending to be to make the person who wants them to be interested happy... 

Love is such a mystery. 

SUMR