Okay, for anyone who knows me, I have this ridiculous on-again off-again crush on one of my best friends. Though it took him telling me that he was one of my best friends for me to realize how true that was, but it’s another story I think I may have already told. Anyways, since he broke up with his crazy girlfriend (the guy really does have questionable taste, which is going to reflect badly on me in just a moment) he has been flirting with me and essentially hinting that maybe he likes me more than I ever suspected.

You’d think I’d be pretty happy about this considering the crushing thing and all, but it’s actually a concern. I had basically reached the point where I was completely satisfied with having him as my best friend. I mean, I get almost all I’d want from a boyfriend without the drama of one. Boyfriends tend to be like un-neutered pets in that they need attention, caring for, and wanting to get laid… none of which I really want to deal with right now.

I am moving to another country in a year so a boyfriend would cause problems. Not that I’m saying the mbff has outright said that’s where he wanted our relationship to be, so for all I know he’s just having fun with the flirting thing. But if I ended up in a serious relationship with any guy right now he’d expect me to continue seeing him when I leave, and I want to be free to date while I’m there. So the thought of dating my best friend knowing it would have a time limit on it? Yeah, that can’t end well.

Before breaking up with his now ex-gf mbff was talking about helping me plan my trip and taking me to the airport so I wouldn’t have to deal with a spazdic mother while trying to figure out the airline terminal. Now that they’re through, he’s wondering if Ireland may not be everything I expect of it and end up being a waste of four years (saving up to go + living there time).

Honestly, I don’t see how moving to a country I’ve been dying to be in for fifteen years could be a disappointment. Even if I hate it I’ll still have the accomplishment of raising the funds, making the trip, and seeing the sights. I don’t have to stay for two years, so if I find I hate it I can just jump a plane and come home. The only thing I expect of the country is that it will be beautiful and an adventure. Yeah, I really hope I like living there, find a job I enjoy and a nearby place to live, make friends and even have a loving boyfriend… but they’re all things I expect out of life no matter where I live!

If you recall, I once admitted that years ago I had this “feeling” I’d meet the love of my life in Ireland. It felt like a message from God and the universe, and I always believed it to be true if I could just get there. It’s one of the reasons why I am so determined to go, because it feels like my “destiny”. So while all my friends are falling in love, getting married, and having families, I took comfort in knowing that my time would come.

Every once in a while I wondered if I was so set on a mere possibility that I was missing what was right in front of me. I’ve had other boyfriends, one of which I even considered marrying, but none of my relationships last very long because they just didn’t feel right. I would pray, asking for help and wisdom and courage to do whatever was needed to do God’s will, yet never once have I ever felt like I was told I should not go to Ireland. I have always felt like it’s where I am supposed to be, and until then I’m just waiting for my life to begin…

So once again, wondering if maybe my path has changed, I prayed. If I was not to consider having a relationship with the mbff, I wanted a sign. People in the Bible did that all the time, asking God to give definite proof of what they were supposed to do, and got it. Though if I remember right one guy kept asking until God basically told him to stop procrastinating, to just suck it up and do as he’s told.

So I was going to invite the mbff over to watch a movie, but my mum came back from her trip early and I couldn’t anymore. She doesn’t like me having any friends over in her “sanctuary”, aka house, so having him over would cause a big freak out. I asked for the next week, planning on having him over on my day off while my mum was to be at work. Then, not only did my mom get the day off, but I was called into work and, after postponing to a later time, I ended up working nearly twice as long as I was originally asked to.

Finally, for the third try, I decided to change the prayer a bit. I said that if I’m to go to Ireland and find love there, I wanted a different and more positive sign. I wanted to get an email from this guy I met who lives in Ireland if I was to get involved with him (no email, btw), or meet the guy I was to start dating or at least someone who knows the guy (to my knowledge this didn’t happen), or something to do with Ireland like winning the lottery etc… I didn’t win a lottery yet, and maybe I should have been a bit more specific as to what the sign should be in the last option, but I’m not sure I needed it as I did have something happen that had to do with Ireland.

Today the bank machine ate my card for no apparent reason and I had to get a replacement. I got talking to the lady helping me and found out she had been to Ireland the year before, renting a house with her mother and sisters (all the spouses were left behind *snicker*). She told me where they stayed, a town I’d not heard of but is now on my list of places to go, a great airline and how long a direct flight takes (8-10 hours *wince*), how best to travel… and she gave me her email. She is going to loan me a package of information to do with Ireland that she says is a big help.

So basically, twice my “date” with the mbff was canceled and then I met someone who wants to help me with my trip to Ireland. That seems like three concrete answers to my prayers that I am NOT to get further involved with the mbff and keep looking ahead to Ireland. What do you think?

❤ SUMR