October 8, 2012

  • Facing the Butterfly Effect

    I have been bad this holiday weekend (it is our thanksgiving for all y'all non-Canadians), and did not do a single thing that I should. I could have been doing my content editing, looking into a freelance job I might get offered, even practicing my lines in non-rehearsal times... but I didn't. Instead I spent much of the weekend watching the two seasons of Joan of Arcadia. 

    I always loved the show, even though it didn't last very long. It was about an average girl whom God asked to do things that made no sense at first, but you generally got to see the result of that action. I like the idea of each of us having a purpose in life and that the things we do matter. And doesn't that get you thinking? Do you ever wonder about the butterfly effect of your actions? How some small insignificant instance on your part could lead to good or bad consequence? 

    This play has absolutely taken over my life, so I begin to wonder why. What the things I'm doing, the relationships I'm creating with these people, what does it all mean in the long run? Will the friendships last or, even if they don't, will something I've said have a long-range result? I just don't know and wish I did. But I guess we can never know, never get the answer or see the results all the time. I can only hope that in some small way I will make a difference in someone's life for the good. I don't want there to be bad ripples in someone's life because of me. 

    Isn't that what we should all aspire to, doing the best we can and helping others when we can? I don't want to be that selfish and self-centered girl who can only see the things that matter in her own life. I want to be able to see when others are in need and try to be there for them when they need the support. I want to make difference, if only a small one, even if it goes unnoticed. 

    I just want to be able to like who I am. 

    SUMR