February 13, 2012

• Males, Mail, and Messages

  Yesterday I was feeling singularly ill. I jokingly blame it on the fact it was cleaning day as I was tidying my apartment and packing up some things to go home next weekend. I was at it all afternoon and into the evening. I had to stop a couple times, thinking I'd be ill, and either read a bit of my book or watched a movie until I couldn't sit still any longer. I even washed all my dishes at two in the morning!

  Needless to say, I slept in and did not go to the library as planned. I decided to start going there a couple times a week to work on my editing as I seem to get so distracted whenever I stay in the apartment. I figured going to "the office" would make me work as it would be harder to stop to watch a movie or read my book. So while I had planned to do my editing from home today, when I woke up I checked my email in hope that I would hear from the company I contacted in regards to the promised interview. It turns out that they decided not to hire anyone at present, and thus no interview. I was really counting on that job! I ended up spending the entire afternoon search the Job Bank for positions I qualify for and applying to them. Sadly, there were only half a dozen that I might be considered for as I actually don't quite have all the experience they would like. 

  I am trying to prepare myself for the idea that I will in fact likely be moving from the city. The trouble is that it just feels so off, so wrong. All this stress is giving me a headache, so staying on the computer trying to edit wasn't working but neither was trying to read my book. I just couldn't concentrate on either and ended up praying for some direction. I got up and grabbed my bible, arbitrarily opening it to a page and started reading. I ended up at Isaiah chapter fifty-five. It talks about money and of feeding your soul, but most importantly it had a verse that I know well: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

  Basically it was a reminder that I don't have to understand what God is doing, just that it is what is best for me. The problem is that I don't know if it is just my hopes and desires that are making me feel as though leaving the city isn't the thing to do, or if this really is where I am supposed to be. I know I am should let go of my worries and let God take care of everything, but it is so hard not to be stressed about being jobless. Before anyone of you say "God helps those who help themselves" that isn't in the Bible, apparently Benjamin Franklin said that. God said to cast your cares unto him and not to depend on yourself or man. 

  I tried to read a few more passages, but I couldn't figure out how they applied to my life, so I took that as a sign I was given all I was going to get or need. On impulse I ended up running to the mail room by the apartment entrance while still in my pajamas to see if I received anything. While there are no valentines cards or chocolates, I did get something better: books! A couple weeks back this fairly new publishing company found my blog and asked if I wanted to review a couple of their books. I sent back an email saying yes and asking if they had any job openings -sadly, the best they will have is an internship in April. I am rather excited to have gotten them, but it hasn't completely cured my anxiety. 

  I just hope I can settle, get down to work, and just be happy that I was able to stay in Toronto as long as I have. Rather ironically, right when I might be leaving I meet someone on that dating site I told y'all I started going on. I agreed to meet up later this week with one of the guys I got emailing with and thus will be satisfying at least one of my new year's resolutions. At the very least I think I will have made an interesting new friend as we can i.m. for hours about books and dancing and family and, oh, everything. If I had to describe him in a word, it would be "adorkable". Keep your fingers crossed that goes well! 

  SUMR

   

  • 8:23 pm
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